I wanna jump off a building and not die just relieve stress by slamming onto the sidewalk and then get up and go get a slurpee or something
marijuana does awful things to people like forcing them to talk about how much they smoke it on every single fucking social network every single fucking day
why do old people read the bible so much
i asked the old guy standing in front of me at the post office and he said “it’s because we’re cramming for finals”
people who think you can’t be sexist towards men
people who think you can’t be racist to white people
people who think you can’t be bigoted towards Christians
people who think you can’t be heterophobic
tumblr bigots who think they’re promoting equality, but are actually just adding to it on different forms of people
I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING
million dollar idea: instead of spending thousands of dollars on steady-cam equipment, filmmakers should just attach a camera to the head of a chicken and carry the chicken around as you film.
in 3rd grade i invited my teacher to my birthday party and she never came
"Sweet little kittens are transformed in a fire. Crawling from the ashes come forth grinning metallic devils with sharp claws and fire blazing in their eyes."